I think busyness is an addiction. How do I know? Well, because I am having withdrawals. The adrenaline from the frenetic pace of the 12 months leading up to this move is finally starting to leave my veins. It is an uncomfortable feeling at first, kind of panicky.. "what do I do with this silence and time"? Once the house was unpacked, the piles of move paperwork filed, reimbursement invoices sent and visa applications done... I felt scared. How will this vast amount of unscheduled time possibly be filled with meaningful activities? How do I cherish these empty days and not go crazy? In my previous life I was working three part-time jobs, serving as housecleaner and cook, attending bible study, driving soccer carpool four times a week, hiking regularly with friends, volunteering at the kids schools, making baby quilts for friends.. plates were spinning everywhere. Moving to a tiny village an ocean away from my career and committments was supposed to be a welcome respite. I actually made a list of things I have wanted to do for the last 5 years when things slowed down. Things like: sew a t-shirt quilt, start a blog, catch up on all the photo albums, learn to play guitar.
I started to feel pressure to get started on the list and actually mildly depressed about my lack of progress on it. SO..A few weeks ago I gave myself permission to just do nothing for awhile. To remind myself to enjoy this temporary season in my life and to embrace the beauty of doing nothing, I bought a leisure suit. Yes you heard me right, a LEISURE suit. That is what it was labeled in the local Lidl grocery store bin where I found it.. "Ladies Leisure Suits £9.99". It was velour. It was gray. It emanated relaxation. I bought it on an impulse. The kids laughed at me when they came home from school and saw me making dinner in my new suit. John glanced at me in confusion when I picked him up from the train station that night. My neighbor Mr. O came to the door for something and when I answered he said, "What is that velour thing you are wearing?" I answered, "This is my new leisure suit" He says, "You paid money for that?"" Why yes I got quite a good deal actually"... and then he laughed and said, "What are you, 80 or something?". We laughed together about it. I can laugh about it but it is my reminder to relax. I can rush to fill my days up with a million things or I can take time to stop, reflect, journal, pray, read and let God direct my time how he leads. I am making strides to do that.. I even sat down the other day to read a few pages of the Winston Churchill biography sitting on our coffee table- in the middle of the day before the laundry was done or dinner was planned. I didn't even feel guilty.. and I may or may not have been wearing my leisure suit.
