UPSHIFT: My new life as a Boarding Houseparent

I have neglected this blog for a few months. Mostly because I am no longer downshifting like the title implies but UPSHIFTING as a houseparent to 26 girls aged 14-17. It has been a crazy, frenetic pace.. non stop planning, coordinating, counseling, coaching, laughing and sometimes crying. Many have asked, "what exactly do you do?".. my answer, "MOM duties x26" (Plus managing my own teen girl and almost teen boy and one neurotic dog). The day starts at 7 when the older girls wake up the younger ones. At 7:30 I turn off the intruder alarm so they can go to breakfast up at the dining hall and the day is off to a loud, rushed start as girls come in and out, make-up and hair is fixed, things are needed out of our "house study". We have roll call every morning at 8:25 in the house lounge then we all walk up the hill to chapel and sit together as a house. The girls have lessons all day but come in and out at breaks. A deputy Houseparent comes in the afternoon to do laundry, run the office and communications. We are a close team: houseparent, deputy HP, pastoral assistant and three teacher tutors who run evening prep 3 nights a week. Tuesdays are our house nights, after evening prep (homework) we all gather in the lounge and do house bonding activities.
Some of our favorites are fondue, quiz nights, indoor smores, decorating our house for Christmas,   and a recent house night ended with dancing the Macarena and singing at the top of our lungs. Curfew is 9:15 for the younger girls (freshman/sophomores) and 10:15 for the 6th form girls (Jr/seniors). They have varying bedtimes depending on year group starting at 10 pm. The biggest discipline challenge is monitoring use of devices after bedtime. No one is allowed on their phones after lights out so I have to sneak around and check. The girls are really good at picking up on the creaky floorboards and miraculously when I open the dorm rooms it is usually eerily quiet and dark (I am pretty sure they are hiding them under duvet covers) I have only confiscated a handful of devices thus far. Good thing the school shuts down Wi-Fi after 11:15 anyways.  The day before Christmas break the fire alarm went off at 7 am, right in the middle of shower time. The impromptu fire drill in frosty English winter and towels was quite a scene. Turned out that one of the seniors had sprayed deodorant in her room which triggered the alarm.  Despite the craziness and occasional drama of 26 girls in one house the overall spirit is joyful and there is a sense of sisterhood. We recently went on a house trip to see Mama Mia in London with the other senior girls house. In total there were 70 of us, singing, dancing, laughing and smiling.. these are the moments that make the late night phone raids and early morning fire drills worth it. Below are a few glimpses of daily life..

This is Severn house where we live, work and play

 Scruffy is now "Deputy House Dog" and our mascot at interhouse competitions. Our house color is green so here he had to dress up appropriately.  He get lots of extra walks, treats and love.

Above we are practicing for the interhouse singing competition which was held in the chapel against all the other houses. The girls sang "Man in the Mirror" and had the best harmonies of the night

Birthdays are a big deal and almost weekly with 26 to celebrate.. some of the girls want homemade cake so we have an informal cooking club where some of the girls help bake in my kitchen. Donuts are also popular!

We have an apple orchard so it is great for providing apples for house night treats such as Apple crumble, Apple pies and Apple butter.. here I am knocking some down

Getting to be goofy is a perk of the job, here we are preparing for In-house night which is every Tuesday 

The girls making "Baubles" for our house Christmas tree

Our recent trip to London.. we charted a bus since there were 70 of us!

Mamma Mia- a great way to end 1st term, singing, laughing and dancing together!

Supermarket Nostalgia

Sometimes the silliest things make me cry.
I often hold it together for funerals, weddings, sad movies and Hallmark commercials yet a small thing like a rocket cart at a grocery store can bring me to tears. This happened recently. I walked into the store and 
a flood of memories and emotions bombarded me at the site of the blue cart. I remembered days of laughter and crying, tugging and whining, requests to get that certain box of cereal or snacks that only chubby toddler hands could reach. It symbolized an era gone.. I will never be a mom of toddlers or preschoolers anymore. I know most of you in that current phase of life long for the day when you will be able to go to the grocery store in peace and carefully consider your purchases while casually strolling down the aisles... ahh the joy! But I promise that you will also miss that little person who is your constant companion. I miss the funny things they would innocently say, the arms wrapped around my leg, the warm little body curled in my lap as we read books together. The list goes on and on. There are perks to them growing up yes..I love not having to find sitters anymore and I can give the kids lists and send them off to the corner market on their own. The conversations have matured and usually center around relationships, schoolwork, life decisions. It is rewarding and meaningful (and can be extremely draining too.) 

He definitely doesn't fit anymore

 But as tweens and teenagers the relationship shifts to a healthy independence and significant decrease in the need for "mom time". I know this is part of God's perfect plan to eventually get them out of the house and ready for real life. But sometimes I just miss a giggling toddler strapped into the cart in front of me, sharing every moment of the day together.

Ode to Charlbury

Charlbury, Oxfordshire

One year ago almost to the day we moved to a little village in the Cotswolds called Charlbury. It looked charming but we were still shell-shocked from the overseas move and I had renter's remorse for the little stone house surrounded by neighbors I didn't know.  Soon that changed. Our stuff was delayed by the military (for over a month) and in no time at all the neighbors were over with everything from a borrowed hammer to a stand in dog bed. They brought us broad beans, beets and apples from their gardens. They smiled and waved when we came out.

Graham, Morag and Anne

  

When the kids went back to school and boredom started to settle in, Anne was quick to show up at my door inviting me over for a "cuppa". We started walking together and she invited me to volunteer with her at Riding for the Disabled. We chatted regularly about everything from kids to politics to dog training. Graham was a constant source of information for any questions a newcomer like me would have: best footpaths, where to go on a long weekend, how to use the hob and unlock the British doors, how to best refinish my dining room table... the list goes on and he always had a solution. 

Andrew, Marion and Josie

Marion and Andrew hosted several tea parties as well and graciously took Scruffy for "playdates" when he neurotically howled every time we would leave. They had a rocking New Year's eve party that had us up way past midnight. They both have smiles that light up a room and personalities to match.

The clan on Little Lee's were my first friends here in this village and I will miss them when we move again this coming week. Charlbury and these fabulous neighbors will always have a place in my heart!

14 Little Lee's: the little stone house that I wasn't so sure about but grew to appreciate

Crazy Calling: Mom to 30+ girls

When I was a little girl I used to tell my mom that

The 30+ teens I will be mothering (with faces blocked out for privacy) 

when I grew up I wanted to live on a cattle ranch in Nebraska and have 6 kids. ( I knew nothing of Nebraska but I liked the way it sounded). Eventually that idea faded and was replaced by a real desire to work in an orphanage or adopt lots of kids. My dream was and still is to run a home in Africa someday where we rescue orphans from the slums. 

After getting married and having two kids I tried for years to get my husband to agree to adopt or try foster care. He really wasn't interested and it was hard for me to let go. Instead God answered my prayer by placing a few single moms in our lives that needed help with their kids and became part of our "family". We traveled to Rwanda and built a playground for orphans. We sponsor kids through Compassion. The dream was still there but was met in other ways... 

Then last summer we moved to England.  After working at my kid's school for a few months a job opened up to be a live-in boarding houseparent there starting in the Autumn. I ignored the email for weeks. I kept thinking about it (basically it felt like God himself was bugging me about it daily)  I talked casually about it to my husband to see if it could work logistically. Finally on the last possible day I sent in my application. It was a shot in the dark.. we weren't ideal candidates because our time in the country is limited,  we would have to live apart during the week so J could be close to his job, we have no experience.  A ton of candidates applied. Our interview went really well but despite that I was still in shock when they called to offer me the job a few days later! 

I said yes.. yes to being a live-in houseparent to 30+ hormonal, impulsive teen girls between the ages of 14-18. Yes to being a mom to many... oh wait!? Is this God's hilarious answer to my lifelong desire to run an orphanage but with a strange twist? I think so.... I wanted an orphanage in Africa and he gave me a posh boarding house in England with 30 teenage girls! I am still laughing and hopefully will still be after this thing is in full swing. 

Severn House

Just BE

"The air is bright with breath of bloom, wise loveliness that asks nothing of the season but to be" 
                                                                   Wendell Berry

How often do we ask nothing of ourselves but to be? How often do we let the list go, forget expectations of ourselves and others, the worries, the memories and endless thoughts... just stop and be. It is almost impossible for me. My mind often feels like it is on a treadmill, always moving on to the next idea or reliving the last. Obtaining a quiet mind is an important discipline. A commonly quoted scripture is Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God". God wants us to be still, he wants to take our thoughts and burdens and give us peace. But we need to hand them over..

The other day I worked as an "invigilator" at my children's school. That is a fancy British word for proctoring exams. We aren't allowed to bring anything in, no cell phones or reading materials. For 2 hours you simply stroll quietly around the room, sit or stand, all the while watching to make sure no one cheats. The first 15 minutes were the hardest. My body wanted to multi-task. I am used to multi-tasking, I can't even watch television without folding laundry. Then slowly I felt my mind relaxing. I started to study the kids: shifting in their seats, scrunching up their foreheads in concentration, playing with their pencils.  I said silent prayers for each of them. I prayed about every other thought that came into my head. Eventually the thoughts slowed to silence, my mind was quiet. It was beautiful.

Another place that I can just be is in nature. The English spring has been glorious (when it is not raining). The picture above is in the Wychwood Forest near our house. The bluebells creep up between the pineneedles and stretch their heads up to find the sun rays. It is quiet except for the birds calling out to each other.

 "That one is sometimes able, among the disturbances of the present world, to wander into some good and beautiful whereabouts of the woods, grow quiet, and come to rest is a gift, a wonder, and a kind of grace" 

                     Wendell Berry (from his book of poetry entitled This Day)

Today I decided to collect wildflowers while walking the dog. Instead of hurrying along I

stopped to smell each bud. I savored their color and design, the teeny bits of pollen in the centers. People driving by cast long glances at me, probably wondering what I was doing with my head in the bushes. But it was nice..I put them in this bowl of water to remind me of their beauty. And the gift of slowing down, of just BEING.

Trousers vs Pants: The Quick Guide to English vs "American" words

Yes it is the same language.. kind of. 

After living in England for the past 8 months I have realized just how many words and phrases are completely different. Here is my quick and dirty list of the most commonly used English words and their "American" counterpart: 

School/Sports words:
Rubber (eraser)
Rucksack (backpack)
revision (studying)
prep (homework)
college (associates degree program)
6th form (junior/senior yr in highschool)
diary (calendar or planner)
football (soccer)
Uni (college or university)
A-levels (advanced level courses taken by students last two years of highschool)
GCSE (two year looping courses taken by lower highschool students)
Year 1 (kindergarten)
public school (private school)
state school (public school)

Clothing: 
jumper (sweatshirt)
boots (cleats)
trainers (tennis shoes)
trousers (pants)
knickers or pants (underwear)
braces (suspenders)
bum bag (fanny pack)
pullover (sweater)
wellies (rainboots)

Food: 
biscuit (cookie)
lolly (popsicle)
pudding (generic word for dessert)
tea (dinner)
dinner (lunch)
cuppa (cup of tea)
banger (sausage)
chips (french fries)
crisps (chips)
coriander (cilantro)
courgette (zucchini)
flapjack (granola bar)
tuck (snacks)
bevvy (alcoholic drink)
jacket potato (baked potato)

Cars/Driving: 
bonnet (hood of car)
boot (trunk)
caravan (camping trailer)
dual carriageway (highway)
drink driving (drunk driving)
lorry (semitruck)
trolley (shopping cart)
car park (parking lot)
zebra crossing (crosswalk)
multi-story (car park)
wing (fender)

Everyday terms:
nick (to steal)
creche (nursery or daycare)
hob (cooktop)
bespoke (custom made)
lift (elevator)
do (party)
queue (a line)
lugs (ears)
mate (friend)
till (cash register)
quid (1 buck or dollar)
bits and bobs (odds and ends)
chap (guy)
 torch (flashlight)
plaster (band-aid)

Common Phrases: 
She's fit (hot)
Fancy someone (like someone)
keen (intent on something)
banter (joking around)
brilliant (awesome)
You alright? (common greeting)
arse (butt)
bloke (man)
buggered (messed up)
well done (good job)
unlucky (bummer)
chuffed (pleased about something)
cheers (thank you)
it's gone off (it's rotten)


Around the house: 
toilet or loo (bathroom)
flat (apartment)
let (rent)
garden (yard)
rubbish bin (trash can)
wardrobe (closet)
hoover (vacuum)
cooker (stove)
drawing pins (pushpins or tacks)

Super Omega-3 Garden Patch Muffins

I don't like to waste anything and I love to modify recipes to make them more nutritionally dense. That is how the Super Omega-3 Garden Patch muffin came to be. It is a great way to use up the produce that needs to be eaten in your fridge. Be warned these could also be called "Colon Cleanser" muffins!

Dry Ingredients:

1 c unbleached flour

1/2 c whole wheat flour

3/4 c flaxseed meal

3/4 c wheat or oat bran flakes (crushed up)

2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

2 tsp cinnamon

(mix together well)

1/2 c shredded coconut (sweetened or not)

1/2 c chopped dates

1 c nuts or seeds chopped (sunflower seeds are good!) 

(mix these into dry mix and set the bowl aside)

Wet/fresh Ingredients:

2 medium carrots peeled and then grated

1 med apple cored and grated

1 zucchini grated

1 tsp vanilla

3/4 c milk

1/2 c golden raisins 

2 TBS stevia

1/4 c brown sugar

(mix these all together well until sugar is dissolved then add into the dry ingredients. Stir until dry is incorporated into the wet) 

*Spray muffin pan with non-stick spray (I use silicone so no liner needed) 

*Cook in preheated 350 deg oven for about 30 min until tester or toothpick come out dry

Enjoy!

"Deputy Houseparent"

Plymouth boarding house

"Would you be available to cover Mrs. W's maternity leave as a Deputy Houseparent? " the HR lady asked. My first thought was, "What on earth does that mean?". The whole boarding school thing was foreign to me. My kids had been attending Kingham Hill school for several months as day students and every morning we passed the beautiful stone boarding houses yet I still had no idea what happened inside the walls.

      Well, I said yes to the job and soon found out being a houseparent means learning to appreciate the sweetness and quirkiness of 26 boys between the ages of 11 and 14, who generate a lot of muddy clothes and really like to eat biscuits.  

I am now on month 3 of the job and have learned their names, favourite sports and subjects, who does and doesn't get along with who and what kind of food makes them happiest. I also fold lots of laundry, field phone calls and coordinate appointments, put plasters (band-aids) on wounds, nag them to do prep (homework) and act like a mum (mom). Occasionally I sweep the boot room which is full of stinky cleats (football boots) and trainers (tennis shoes) even though that is

supposed to be their job. 

Soon after starting the houseparent job I decided to implement the WORD of the WEEK.. finding the strangest and goofiest words for them to memorize. With help from one of the boarders, a German boy who is quite the linguistic genious, we have come up with words like:

arachibutyrophobia (the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth) and borborygmus (the digestive sounds the intestines make). 

The incentive to learn the word is that the first boy to memorize it gets to choose the flavour of cookies that I bake on Fridays. We call it "Cookie Friday".. it has become wildly popular. One boy who is boarding from Russia yells loudly as he runs in the door, "KOOOKY, KOOOKY"...  it makes me smile every time and conjures up memories of Sesame Street. Please don't confuse cookies with biscuits.. biscuits are what the boys get on a daily basis after sport and before they shower for evening "tea" (dinner). They are pre-packaged treats that break into bits when you bite into them.  Cookies are more of an American thing: homemade and delicious and served piping hot from the oven. On the Friday before Valentine's day I decided they needed to experience sugar cookies decorated with pink frosting and sprinkles. I worked for over an hour mixing, baking and decorating them before setting them on a tray neatly covered with saran wrap while I quickly ran to the corner store for some milk. Upon my return I was dismayed to realize that the dog had discovered how to eat through saran wrap and reach onto counters. 

Scruffy had eaten 40 of the 48 Valentine's cookies for the boys!!!

I think the neighbors must have heard me yelling at the dog as I put him out in the backyard to wait for the pink tinted excrement to pass. That day the boys didn't get cookies.. instead I showed them the picture below to explain the predicament. They forgave me and thanked me for the effort, darling lads.  Actually darling chaps...  they recently informed me that chaps are what they are, no longer wee lads. 

I will miss this interesting assignment when it ends, maybe I will still occasionally stop by Plym house with cookies on Fridays. 

These were supposed to be for my boys.. not the dog!

Some of the boys hanging out after class.. all gave photo permission

The Road to Oxford

BED REST: Fantasy vs Reality

After a week of fever, chills and fluid in my lungs, I finally went to the Dr. last week. After a quick exam she announced that I did indeed have pneumonia and really ought to be on........ BED REST. The Dr. is a woman and after saying this she added, "I know that is impossible for moms but you really should try".   I have always secretly wanted to be put on bed rest, even if for a day.   Bed rest conjures up images of lying in a cozy bed with pillows piled around, a good book in hand, water and snacks within reach and everyone else bustling around taking care of things so you don't have to.  I can almost picture a Downton Abbey kind of scenario where servants in crisp white aprons appear throughout the day to see what they can bring me. Kind of like this: FANTASY 

So I decided to leave out the "you really should try part" and tell my family that I was ordered to be on full BED REST!!! The problem is, no one was home when I returned from the Dr. They were all at school/work. I felt too tired to climb the stairs to the bed so I sat on the coach. Then I realized we had nothing ready for dinner and everyone would be needing to get picked up soon. So I threw something in the oven. Then it was time to drive 15 min to the kids bus stop. I told them about the "bed rest" on the way home and they said, "Bummer, so what are we going to do about dinner?" I ordered the stinkers to clear the table and load the dishwasher after eating and then headed out to pick up the hubby from the train station. He was sympathetic to the Dr's orders and agreed, "Yes just go straight to bed, the chores aren't important, they can wait". I ended up quarantined in the attic since my cough was so loud it shook the whole house. The luxurious bed retreat of my dreams was actually a roll out mat, surrounded by darts and Nerf guns.  I didn't have servants.. they all had too much homework and studying to do. But they did bring me a pot with a spoon to bang around if I couldn't breathe in the middle of the night (a fine substitute for a bell) . 

REALITY

I didn't get served hot soup in bed from a cute tray. Hubby did order take-out Indian food (the only restaurant within a 30 minute radius) and the kids did start a load of laundry. The problem is their standard of housecleaning isn't quite up to par with mine. After just one day there were little piles of dirty clothes seeping out of bedrooms. The dishes were overflowing. The sinks had toothpaste marks. "Just let it go, the chores can wait".. started to really stress me out. How long? Would I be able to wade through the mess to get fresh air? So I decided to do modified bed rest. Which meant I did as many chores as I could and then rewarded myself with a nap on the roll out mat or a good book in the middle of the day for hours on end.  The neighbors showed up every morning to walk the dog once hub and kids were off to work/school. One day I let the dishes go and Hubby did get to them eventually (midnight but who is keeping track?)  It really was kind of nice to let others help.  But bed rest itself was overrated.. unless of course I could be the lady in that picture above.