June 20, 1998

Marriage: What’s the Point?

We are surrounded by a culture that is moving away from commitment.

In the age of Tinder and Snapchat, relationships come quickly and easily but disappear just as fast.

Information, pictures and sometimes sex, are shared without even knowing a person’s

story. This cheap, fast, noncommittal dating seems safe to some: no need to be

vulnerable, no strings attached, no pain, no roots that will have to be cut when you move

on. But without roots all one has is shallow ground, a handful of superficial attachments

that disappear in an instant, leaving one feeling disconnected, used and lonely.

Marriage is one of God’s solutions to the problem of loneliness. After creating the first man,

Adam, God realized it was not good for man to be alone so he made him a helpmate, a

woman. Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a

helper who is just right for him.” (Genesis 2:18) I know some of you girls are now

thinking, “great, the only reason for marriage is to serve and help a man”.. definitely not.

There are over 38 verses in the Bible about marriage and love. The main themes are that

a husband and wife should become one, UNIFIED, a united front to face life together.

Some people have hang-ups with the verses about a wife submitting to her husband and

a husband loving his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:21-24) BUT as a

husband provides for his wife both physically and spiritually and cherishes her as 

a special gift that God provided for him, it will come naturally for her to want him to take

the lead in certain decisions. A good leader listens and accepts the input of their closest

council and together they rule.

My husband and I are about to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. 

Sometimes I reflect back on our dating days. It wasn’t one of those love at 1st sight stories. 

June 20, 2018

We met as part of a large group of friends and because we had mutual interests we started spending

a lot of time together. As our friendship grew, we got to know each other’s families, life

stories, goals, beliefs, disappointments, and senses of humor. Over time we realized

that we missed each other when we were apart and though we weren’t yet “defined” as a

couple, we had a piece of each other’s hearts. A foundation had been laid for the next

step. A healthy root system is vital for a tree to grow. I encourage each of you to lay roots

down with your friends. Dig deeper, ask those hard questions, be vulnerable with each

other. Somewhere out there is your perfect helper, a teammate for this game of life.

I will leave you with this quote to ponder from the book Corelli’s Mandolin:

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And

when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots

have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the

promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us

can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has

burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it,

we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty

blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”

Irish Mis-Adventure

The LONG road to Ballyvaughan

Yesterday I set out at noon with my two teens plus an extra pre-teen for what was to be an easy hop over to Ireland (a 35 min flight). The park and ride in Birmingham was sketchy and took so long to get to that we nearly missed our flight. After a run through the airport and teen daughter being detained by security for bringing perfume in her carry-on, we made it aboard. 

Since Ryanair likes to put you in the worst possible seats, I was placed in the middle of a "stag do" (Bachelor party)..a bunch of middle aged Irishmen returning from a weekend of barhopping. They kept insisting I try their beer and asking obnoxious questions. 

We finally made it to the rental car agency in Dublin and after a 30 min wait, I was informed I couldn't use my voucher because my husband's name was listed as the driver (he had to drop out of trip at last minute due to looming PhD deadlines) Spent another 20 min on phone with Hotwire who couldn't change the name or rebook the car. Europcar then kindly offered to rent me the same car I had reserved for 3x the price plus additional insurance (or be stuck with a 2000 deductible for a scratch). With no other options and a 2.5 hr drive to Galway looming, I bit the bullet. Loaded the kids, luggage and sat nav directions and headed off trying to remember how to use a left-handed stick shift while navigating heavy traffic and strange roundabouts. 

After 90 min we stopped to get groceries and find something to eat. We were in the middle of who knows where but there was a Lidl still open at 8:30 pm on a Sunday so that was miraculous. No Irish food though, we had to settle for a pizza that we ate by the side of a canal for ambiance. We drove through rolling hills for another 30 min before I asked teen daughter to scroll out on the Sat Nav to see how close we were to our destination. That is when we realized that there are apparently TWO Ballyvaughans and we sadly had been driving to the wrong one in the southeast corner of Ireland, not near Galway at all. Our new redirected Sat Nav directions required an additional 3 hrs of driving. Oh happy day (or night by this time)! With teen daughter keeping me awake with her Spotify playlist and the boys sleeping in the back, we covered what was probably amazing scenery and finally made it to our cottage at 1 am. After 4 hrs of sleep, I am awake with the birds and super bright early sun..hoping today will be better!