June 20, 1998

Marriage: What’s the Point?

We are surrounded by a culture that is moving away from commitment.

In the age of Tinder and Snapchat, relationships come quickly and easily but disappear just as fast.

Information, pictures and sometimes sex, are shared without even knowing a person’s

story. This cheap, fast, noncommittal dating seems safe to some: no need to be

vulnerable, no strings attached, no pain, no roots that will have to be cut when you move

on. But without roots all one has is shallow ground, a handful of superficial attachments

that disappear in an instant, leaving one feeling disconnected, used and lonely.

Marriage is one of God’s solutions to the problem of loneliness. After creating the first man,

Adam, God realized it was not good for man to be alone so he made him a helpmate, a

woman. Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a

helper who is just right for him.” (Genesis 2:18) I know some of you girls are now

thinking, “great, the only reason for marriage is to serve and help a man”.. definitely not.

There are over 38 verses in the Bible about marriage and love. The main themes are that

a husband and wife should become one, UNIFIED, a united front to face life together.

Some people have hang-ups with the verses about a wife submitting to her husband and

a husband loving his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:21-24) BUT as a

husband provides for his wife both physically and spiritually and cherishes her as 

a special gift that God provided for him, it will come naturally for her to want him to take

the lead in certain decisions. A good leader listens and accepts the input of their closest

council and together they rule.

My husband and I are about to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. 

Sometimes I reflect back on our dating days. It wasn’t one of those love at 1st sight stories. 

June 20, 2018

We met as part of a large group of friends and because we had mutual interests we started spending

a lot of time together. As our friendship grew, we got to know each other’s families, life

stories, goals, beliefs, disappointments, and senses of humor. Over time we realized

that we missed each other when we were apart and though we weren’t yet “defined” as a

couple, we had a piece of each other’s hearts. A foundation had been laid for the next

step. A healthy root system is vital for a tree to grow. I encourage each of you to lay roots

down with your friends. Dig deeper, ask those hard questions, be vulnerable with each

other. Somewhere out there is your perfect helper, a teammate for this game of life.

I will leave you with this quote to ponder from the book Corelli’s Mandolin:

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And

when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots

have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the

promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us

can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has

burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it,

we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty

blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”